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Thursday, August 10, 2006

But what is truth, if you follow me?

The latest from the Bush administration: Retroactive war crime protection proposed.

See, apparently Bush administration policy makers are worried that their "detainee" torture memos will result in their being tried by an International War Crimes Tribunal for violating the Geneva Convention. Apparently unsure whether their contention that the "War on Terror" is not actually a war, and that prisoners are not "prisoners of war" will stick, the idea wizards in Bush's primate house have decided on a new strategy - enact US legislation which supercedes the Geneva Accord which the United Stated signed in good faith way back in 1929, when language made sense, politicians were concerned about "statesmanship," and presidents could form complete sentences with subjects and predicates.

Have I mentioned that I wish George Bush were dead? Is that illegal? Well, no worry - if it is, I'll just write to my congressman and ask that he introduce legislation that says that it isn't - even after the fact! Shit, why don't we just retroactively declare murder legal, and empty our prisons? That would be a good way to trim our $8.4 Trillion national debt, and record budget shortfalls introduced by our so-called "conservative" president.

In fact, I propose that we abandon all standards of meaning. Language is so limiting. So instead of this headline:

Retroactive war crime protection proposed.

why don't we loosen those restrictive and repressive grammar and vocabulary rules and allow ourselves to write like this:

Oldie bad-bad make no-no.

But frankly, that's still too limiting. It has a tenuous connection to the meaning fo the first headline. It's linguistic fascism to demand such a literal means of communication. How about:

Fuzzy wigwam bleat pencil mukluk.

There, that's better. Now unsuspecting good patriotic Americans won't be opressed by the suggestion that their leaders are criminal fuck-tards who will do anything to cover their fat, pasty behinds.

Where are all the asteroids Hollywood said were heading towards Earth?


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